How to Help Children Cope with Divorce – Many couples stay unhappily married with the excuse of protecting the kids from separation, but who can tell us that it is good to live with parents who do not love each other? Truly, divorce is a very stressful and confusing period for kids, regardless of their age, but if they are provided with stability and support, it will be less painful and better than living with unsatisfied parents.
Parents, who are also shook up by this painful event, need to step up and be there for their kids. No matter how difficult it may be, putting your interests and feelings aside and caring mostly about the kids’ feelings is essential.
How to Help Children Cope with Divorce
It is not easy to get away from a relationship just like that and helping children cope with the divorce is a must if couples choose the option of divorce
Break the News
Depending on the children’s age, news like this must be told with a lot of attention and honesty, but in a child-friendly language. It would be best to prepare with your ex-spouse and then sit down with kids together. Keep your personal feelings for each other at bay, and try not to react angry or upset during the conversation. Don’t explain divorce as the end of the world, but as a change in the way of life and in the way their parents love each other.
Be Prepared for Reactions
Don’t expect for the kids just to sit quietly (although that can happen, and it is not a good sign), it is natural to have their thoughts and emotions about the divorce. Try to answer their question honestly, and reassure them that both of you love them. Besides the emotional part, prepare the answers to the practical questions, like where are they going to live, where they will spend holidays, etc.
Parents Can Still Get Along
Blaming each other and arguing will cause nothing but pain for your kids, and neither of you wants that. It is best to go your separate ways as friends. Don’t expose your kids to courts and legal procedures and try to find the best solution for everyone.
There is an option of online filing for uncontested divorce in Oregon, New York, and other states, which is less painful and expensive for both the parents and the kids. After the procedure is finished, try to have a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse, because you will have to talk eventually about your children’s health, future, etc.
Providing Support and Love
Love and support are the most important things you can give to your kids in this period.
Encourage them to share their fears, doubts and sadness with you, and be there for them. Understand that they will miss the other parent, and that you should never speak badly of him/her. They are counting on you both to be with them.
Adjusting to a New Situation
In this period of changes, it is important to provide some sort of stability. Whether that is their school or Sunday lunch at McDonald’s it is up to you. It is also useful to have some new rituals and routines that will unburden the kids of emotions that are very complicated for their age.
You’ll Be OK
Parents too are going through a difficult period, and it is important for parents to understand that they should not display any change in them, because the children will sense any deviation from the normal pattern of behavior.
It is not the normal overcoming a breakout thing, it is goodbye to the previous life, so being sad is normal, but you also have to be strong for them. Do not give up and lock yourself in a dark room, be the mother/father you have always been, that is the best stability you can provide them. Try to take care of yourself, and most importantly do not lose confidence and hope.
There is no easy way out of marriage, and when children are involved there are definitely more than two people hurt. Although you can’t erase their pain, you can do your best to make this transitional period easier.